N.C.C (Nihilist Cricket Club)

Location

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The N.C.C's fabled ground "The Slab" is situated just off the south circular in dulwich. Disguised as the Dulwich Sports Ground, it has ample standing area for over 10,000 people.

Fixtures

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4 June 2006 - Nihilist XI vs Little Lebowski Urban Achievers XI

The traditional season opener. This will be a limited overs contest, and in the the event of the match being affected by rain, the result will be decided using the Duckington-Leigh moving-centile method using a batting exponential coefficient of 53%.

16 July 2006 - Nihilist XI vs Existentialist XI

Some people don't bowl on Shabbas. We believe in nothing, so we do. Nihilists will be hoping to reverse last year's disasterous result where they bowled out for 2.

12 August 2006 - Nihilist XI vs Jesus XI - league match.

No 8 year olds. No-balls will be strictly regulated with shouts of "over the line". No pieces on wicket.

Club History

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This is the club history.

The Players

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The current team has undergone extensive training over the winter months and is ready to face the new season. Here are some of the star players:

B. S. E. Schiller
A committed and hard-working bowler, Schiller often opens the bowling and bowls for spells of 70 overs or more for his own self-flagellating pleasure. Always pumped-up Schiller is often starved by the team before a match and then a steak is teasingly placed behind the batsman's stumps. He was banned 3 years ago for ungentlemanly conduct when he failed to take off his hat in the pavillion, but is now back in the team under strict supervision. His most memorable performance was at Nuremberg in 1995, where he bowled 200 overs for 5 runs and no wickets in a famous duel with K.K. von Schnaubenkraut.

S. C. H. M. U. K. Canter
A nuggetty right hander with a wide range of shots including the nudge, the leg-tickle and the forward gimp. Dedicated to occupying the crease, he holds the current record for consecutive scores of 13 in a season (15).

A. A. A. Davies
An unorthodox left hander influenced by early 17th century Armenian one-dayers. Davies is famous for the codified command "Use the mop" when facing unsurmountable fast bowling. In such circumstances he will opt to injure himself and thus avoid the embarrassment of being bowled by some "fucking amateurs".

R. I. P. Weedon

J. P. E. G. Kent

A. G. M. Markou
Coming in at No. 6, Markou always bats using a marmot as a runner. Holds the record for the highest number of low quality snacks consumed in an innings (52).

O. P. E. C. Wright

G. I. M. P. Potts
Used as target practise in the nets for the team's fastest bowlers, Potts is the most accompished 12th man in the history of the game. Always complimented on the quality of hs on-field beverages, Potts holds the record for the highest number of crisps served in 2 minutes (1956).